Now what am I gunna do with a truck load of fake.....

The tour is now done and dusted. One of the girls was a pretty good sort (even if she was a Kewi, I guess I shouldn’t hold that against her) and was also headed to the UK for work. This thus raises the number of people I will know in London to four.

I had intended to piss around in Phuket for a couple of days of before I discovered how shit it was. After yet another bus ride I’m now in Samui and it’s quite nice. Caught up with Marcelle and have decided that to break my daily drinking routine might be bad for my health. I will start my Muay Thai course tomorrow and thus have been trying to get all the drinking out of my system. Speaking of getting things out of my system, as far as I can tell I’ve lost about 6-8Kg since I’ve been in Thailand. I can only put this down to a complex formula I’ve constructed:

Output > Input

I think were I to stay here for a year I would actually obtain a negative mass.

Right, I’ve finally got around to going over my pics and trying to pic out some interesting ones:

Road to a hill-tribe village up North


Long-tail boat driver from Bangkok


Underwater village on the Laos border


Bride over the river Kwai


This cheeky fellow was displayed in the opium museum


A picture from a longtail boat of our accommodation in Kanchaniburi


A picture from the train overlooking the river


Hellfire Pass


A random waterfall that was really beautiful. This shot doesn't do it justice. Apparently this is the type of place where Thai families come for our equivalent of a picnic.


Girl on beach (derrr)


Muslim fishing village at dusk


Guy in a papaya plantation


Picture of a boat I went fishing on (including my big toe for ascetical purposes)

I shall dub it the ‘Numb Arse Tour of Thailand’

After 15 heady days of sitting in buses, boats, trains, taxis, motor bikes, tuk-tuks and other various forms of motorized transport my whirlwind tour of Asia draws to an end. Publis transport in this country is not made for 2m tall beings.

I currently find myself in Phuket town and there ain’t much to do here so I find myself blogging. It’s also pissing down rain. Anyways, last post was from Chang Rai in the north and since then I’ve been to the following:

• Back to Chang Mai en-route to Kanchanaburi via Bangkok


• Looked at Hellfire Pass and other WWII stuff in that area. 12K odd allied POWs died during this railway but what shocked me was the 90K estimated Asian labourers who died. It’s a bit like the figure of Russian deaths that tends to be overlooked by Western-centric media.


• Back on a f&*^en sleeper train down south to Khao Sok national park. This was very pretty and I went for a wander and we had a canoe ride down the river. Very beautiful.


• Another bus ride to Phang Nga where we took a long-tail boat to ‘James Bond Island’ which was FULL of Koreans. Buggered if I know why.


• Stayed at a fishing village which was basically all on stilts attached to one of the BFO limestone cliffs rising from the ocean. No alcohol! T’was my fist night not pissed.* Damn good food though.


• Then 2 days at Rai Lay including a speedboat ride to Phi Phi (pronounce “pee pee”) Island. Rai Lay has some awesome rock climbing sites and probably ½ the people there are there to climb rocks.


• Bus to Phuket where I currently find myself.

Anyways, in less tour-related news, whilst in Kanchanaburi I went to the local with the girls from the group for a few cold ones before they piked early. I ended up playing pool with some local gals for a few hours before their man friends turned up on a collection of motorcycles headed for the local ‘disco’. I was invited along (I think) and thought to myself “How bad can a disco be?” Disco should have read Nightclub and before I knew it I was chatting with a French guy and going shots of something with a table of Thai girls. Stumbled out at 3-4ish in the morning with no idea where I was or the name of the place I was staying at. Some random guy gestured at his motorbike and I nodded that I thought this was a good idea as I had trouble walking. I vaguely gestured in the direction I thought I was staying and off we went. After driving around for about ½ hour and offering names that may-or-may-not have been my accommodation we somehow turned up. Beer scooter in fact as well as name. 30B baht this trip cost. I was magnanimous in my drunkenness and doubled it.

I should have some more time soon on Samui so pictures then.

* A 80% proof bottle of whisky can be had for as little as 100 baht. That’s just over $3 people and is usually enough to be well pissed. Add to this smokes from about 60 baht………

Latest News

Right, I'm back in Chang Mai after having spent a night in Chang Ria to the North and a night in a hut. The night we left Chang Mai I went to a Muay Thai fight which wasn't as bad as everyone suggests; only one person was knocked out with a knee to the head, the rest all went the distance. Piss weak.

Buses here are small. After approximately 3 seconds sitting in one I loose the use of my legs. Aside from this we've been pissing around in long-tail boats and trains.

Amusing sign of the day: "Wang Come Hotel".

The Thai culture is basically set up around selling shit to tourist as far as I can tell. Even the village we stayed at was set up by the government to get all the tribes in one spot and sell shit to tourist to make some additional cash on the side. I can't see this particular plan working in Australia as instead of selling colourful hats Australians indigenous population would simply make themselves less attractive tourist propositions by getting drunk from the profits.

It's amazing what will fit onto a 100cc scooter.

Girls from our group on an Elephant.

Me with a couple of ladies*.


My good self at the golden triangle which use to (???) make lots of opium.

A girl from our group crossing a bridge.


* Actual authenticity of ladies not guaranteed.

Goodbye shit-hole Bangkok

After a few days in a very grotty hotel I checked in to the 'First Hotel' which was very nice by any standards and by comparison to my previous nights accommodation felt like the Grand Hyatt. This was the departure site for my group toury thingy and it turns out that a whole 4 people are on the tour....and 3 of them are girls. Nice group but, quite and don't drink much but I'm certain I can change all that by the end of the 15 days.

Anyway, bed beconath so I shall titillate and tantalize with a blog favorite summery:

• Saw multiple temples and what-not in Bangkok and went for a river boat ride which was interesting


• Caught 12-hour overnight train from Bangkok to Chang Mai in the North. Bed was approximately 1 foot shorter than me. Got drunk.


• Arrived early and went for drive to mountains to look at Wot on a hill with lots of steps.


• Cooking class.


• Lady-boy show. Now this was interesting in that I have decided I must be gay.


• Pictures will follow hopefully tomorrow. I did get a kiss on the head during the show and have been unable to completely remove the pink lipstick.


• Bought lots of cheap t-shirts.

I’ll try and get the camera AND the camera cord in the same place tomorrow to upload some picies.

And the winner of the world sweating championships is......ME!

Right I'm here and (shock horror) it is hot. Got in to Bangkok's new airport at about 12 last night before catching a cab into the city in hopes of finding a hotel/backpackers still open. Ended up in Khao San which is a very backpacker type environment and found a shitty little hotel. It even has hot water!

This morning saw me walking around with a bag containing all my kick-boxing stuff trying to find a post office. A random Thai bloke stopped me and we got to chatting. He showed me the way to the post office before we got chatting about his sister coming to Australia. I went with it all and before I knew it I was in a cab to his house where I was fed lunch and chatted to his sister for 2 hours about Australia. After this his brother in law came home and taught me how to cheat at blackjack. They then got me a cab back into the city where they dropped me off. Interesting first day but there you have it.

Off to buy some cheap thongs now (insert gay in-u-endo here). Tour thing starts tomorrow.

More later.